My husband signed us up for a last minute art show that is coming up in a few weeks. We have tons of ideas we’ve brainstormed in the past, but nothing tangible, so we’ve been scrambling this past week to solidify a collaborative idea and start production. He has the worst timing, but I also have the worst excuses, so I have decided to drop those and go with the creative energy flow.
It has been really good. It has made me feel alive and excited. It’s a fantastic feeling, seeing an idea on paper finally come to life and then try to put it out in the world for other people to hopefully enjoy.
Sometimes being creative makes me want to “have a drink.” Last night was one of those nights. After all, my husband was enjoying a few, why couldn’t I? I wrestled with this idea for quite a while. The moderation wench was laying it on hard, “promising I could have just one.” We were working in our garage, it was cold, a nice glass of red wine sounded really good to warm me up nice and fuzzy, so I made some hot tea instead. After the tea was enjoyed but gone, the urge for a drink came back. I tried to dive further into my artistic work, but the kids kept needing stuff from us, so the artistic process kept getting interrupted. I could have easily allowed these interruptions to annoy me, and could have reached into the liquor cabinet to cope, but instead I took a moment and consciously decided to spend some time with them individually and get into their head space. A few goofy antics and giggles later, they were good to go about independently and so was I. Win, win. So I dove back into my creation, with a huge jug of water by my side. 😁💦
Now, some people might advise to stay away from all things that trigger the desire to drink…..but, I am NOT going to allow creativity to go away, EVER! Wanting to reclaim my artistic side is one of the reasons I’m here, I’ve allowed it to be ignored and wallow along the wayside for too long. Initially, parents tend to put everything on the back burner to raise a young family (moms especially), this contributed to my drinking more regularly, thus the drinking/recovering consumed more of my free time and got me stuck into this never ending cycle. I am trying to be really conscious of the nonproductive loop you get lost in when alcohol is involved. Long story short, I am cutting out alcohol, NOT CREATIVITY! Being creative allows me to thrive, so I must find ways to handle the random urges to drink when I am in this artistic head space.
As the moderation wench kept nagging me for my attention, I thought of the brilliant Clare Pooley (Mummy was a Secret Drinker) and her praise of treating yourself to a lovely hot chocolate in these moments. It worked! Never deny the power of hot chocolate!!! It did the trick, it was a wonderful treat, it warmed me up, helped me focus, and got me through a tough time. By the time I finished, it was 10:45 at night, and the wench knew it was worthless having any kind of drink(s) now. That’s right you wench, I made a chink in your armor, go crawl back into your hole!
Be present, take a moment to acknowledge the feelings, try to understand their source, and make a game plan to tackle them.
I’m so proud I made it through last night. It could have been a much uglier and disappointing morning. Hooray! Happy 3 weeks today.
P.S. Its a million times easier when the simple straight answer is NO. I could have tried to wrestle with moderation, but I have a 97% failure rate, so when I just committed to NO, that was it, no question, and I moved on from there.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend, xo Mrs. Breaker